‘The Deal’ from Too Many Black Women

This Blog post should really be a poem—and this is one of the many intertwining reasons why my words appear on this screen you are reading. This one, after about 700 entries into this journal,—this one really starts to hit home.

It starts with this find by the field negro work: “Blacks Less Likely To Recognize Overweight And Obesity, Study Shows.” Since my father has other, more typical American-style addictions with cigarettes and liquids in bottles, this article immediately made me think of mother and her extremely painful relationship with her weight, eating and body image—this then, on the Freudian tip, made me think of ‘the deal’ too many Black women have made with me. Here’s the deal:

• ‘My’ woman says to me, “I’m going to despise myself and disrespect myself but I expect you to have a blind, childlike, lapdog-like optimistic, supportive, sweet attitude toward me.” After ‘my’ woman breaks up with me, her solution to “my” problem may be to get into a relationship with an actual lapdog (with four legs and fur) and live like a proud, monastic spinster with a vibrator.
• ‘My’ woman says to me, “I’m going to have a private, desperate, internal struggle with self control but I expect you to not be affected by this and try to administrate and coordinate the household around me based on the fallacy that I actually have self control.” After ‘my’ woman breaks up with me, her solution to “my” problem may be to get into a relationship with a person with less self control than she has. This is an ironic investment in the kind of “men” women love to hate—she can’t live with him and can’t live without him.
• ‘My’ woman says to me, “I’m going to suppress my childhood-inherited sorrows and insecurities with these strange, passionate, food-related, narcotic rituals but I expect you not to be aware of this intense, secret relationship and still make me feel like you are intimate with me.” After ‘my’ woman breaks up with me, her solution to “my” problem may be to get into a relationship with a gold-digging, charming, lying playboy that’s a great matching accessory in public and, safely, nothing going on in private.Of course these words from ‘my’ women were never spoken to me—and you will probably have to wait until ‘my’ women are on their death bed in their 100s before they even begin to admit that I am not full of shit because I just don’t get what’s “really” going on… And somehow there is this other world of happiness and wisdom unknown to me where life is really is going on—and isn’t it so sad that I can’t be part of that… My respect for the gargantuan immensity of this strength to deny “my perception” of the truth cannot be overstated. From the aforementioned article we see that:

The study found that men were more likely than women to misperceive their weight. Among women, the prevalence of misperception was highest among overweight black women (40.9 percent, compared to 20.6 percent in overweight white women) and men (66.4 percent, compared to 43.2 percent in overweight white men). It was lowest among obese white women (3.1 percent, compared with 11.2 percent in obese black women) and men (8.9 percent, compared to 26.2 of obese black men.)

Altogether, overweight black men and women were twice as likely as whites to make inaccurate body weight perceptions, and obese black adults were even more likely to exhibit weight status misperceptions, according to the report.

Unrealistic assessments of body weight were just as common in people who were relatively financially well off as in poorer people, and in those who had been told by their doctors that they were overweight or obese.

Now, since I am a lowly Blog writer, I can avoid more paragraphs and take these poetic bullets instead:

• Sorry, pal, just because a way is established in me to use food for no other purpose than satisfying actual hunger does not mean that I am ‘better than’ or ‘superior to’ obese people. My struggle with gluttony appears in my life in other ways.
• I can’t tell you how many times African Americans, and a few continental Africans, think I am from another country, not the one in North America—usually Ethiopia. Yes, this has much to with my handsome bone structure—but more I think to do with my current body weight.
• Too many people of color who appear to be physically fit are taking exercise and watching their diet for superficial—often financial—reasons. This, to me, is no different from being obese—it’s just that the gluttony is more “abstract.”
• There is no point in talking about a Black struggle against oppression by “white people” when the Black person you are talking to can’t even “win” the struggle of what goes in (or comes out) of their mouth. This was a huge revelation to me—no pun intended. Understanding this basic, country-boy, gut-bucket, common sense, saved me alive.
• Most jealous guys look forward to being jealous of another person. Here in the rasx() context, “the other man” is usually ‘my’ woman’s “love affair” with food.
• When I stopped eating massive amounts of refined sugar my concept of hunger pain changed for me. ‘Hunger pain’ is nowhere near as painful now as it was when I was a young strapping man full of white sugar. I’m certain that this pain was hypoglycemic sugar withdrawal.
• Often when ‘we’ brothers break up with ‘our’ sisters, there is a corresponding loss of weight. The sexist joke is that brothers can’t cook and that, somehow, we begin to starve without our servants. No, my guess is that it’s a bit more complicated than that (you know how somebody on dope wants you to get high with them?)—and too, too often my housekeeping skills are far superior to these so-called liberated women of the new millennium.
• When you “fall in love” with that curvy sister in her twenties, my country-boy assumption is that you will be with her in her thirties—and beyond. Watch out. She might ‘blow up’ on you.
• There are guys who honestly like “thick” women. Some people my call my superficial attraction to Serena Williams as one guy out for a “big” gal—but there are those who can go bigger than that… more power to you brother: you have more and more to choose from… The brutal truth is that Serena is likely to gain significantly more weight when she is no longer paid to watch her figure—check her just three years after she stops playing tennis.
• Too many American women who are fit and do all of the “right things” with regard to human health do so usually because of some incredibly traumatic events that ‘forced’ them take action. Often, for ‘my’ sisters, this trauma means that they have taken a solemn vow to stay away from Black men for a change in “sexual orientation” and/or “racial sexuality.”
• Emotions oftentimes get ‘trapped’ in the body. To ask ‘my’ woman to exercise herself can be just as dramatic as asking her to exorcise herself. Some of you may actually be Black Baptist enough to remember when women got the “Holy Ghost” in church—when this is real, it is no joke. Sometimes it’s best for her to just stay overweight and stick with the food…
• Once you decide to take on the task of helping another person struggle with their toxic relationship to food, you begin to represent the hard work they must do. This should make most who are overwhelmed by this struggle avoid you. They can’t stand to see the sight of you! So you end up being hated for trying to help. In order to avoid being hated you are often tempted to become an accomplice in the crime of their addiction. This should be an insult to yourself—and you either get pulled into becoming who they are or you can accept being ostracized.
• One of the rarest most precious sights in my life is to see any Black woman calmly poised and serenely comfortable with herself as she walks down the street. I am unconcerned about the details of her physical appearance. The achievement of inner balance overrides any bullshit about superficial looks. It makes me smile warmly when we pass each other… often never to meet again…At the heart of obesity is gluttony—at the heart of gluttony is mismeasurement. My ancestors teach me that not being able to take accurate measurement is to not be able to think. How easy can it be to dominate a people that cannot think?

rasx()